The Dress, Miss JeffMemorial Style -- Just Add Drama!

So, I've had quite a road with my dress. Let me just say that I am notorious for changing my mind a million times, and it was the same when it came to The Dress. I mean, c'mon! It's the dress that requires capitalization; I was going to be choosy!

After months and months of me saying, "Oh, yes! That! No wait! No, no not that one. Oh, how about this one? This is absolutely THE one. Hrm, no... I have changed my mind. It's hideous," I found The Dress.

Gorgeous, right? I felt like such a lucky gal. I'm six feet tall and busty, and I was able to buy this number OFF. THE. RACK. No alterations were going to be needed except the bustle. I was over the moon because, due to my aforementioned tall-ness and busty-ness, I assumed that I would not only be budgeting for a dress but also alterations.

Mr. JeffM and I patted ourselves on the back and walked out of the David's Bridal in Springfield, Virginia (really nice people, by the way), poofy dress bag in tow.

When we got home, we were faced with something we had forgotten about completely...

Meet Horatio and Clover. Fluffy puppies of doom. Adorable, yes. (I mean have you seen those ears?!) But they are also diabolical little pooch muffins who can (and do) get into EVERYTHING. We knew that we had to store the dress somewhere else.

The obvious answer was my mother. She lives nearby in Virginia and is pet-free. I thought my dress would be safe!

I thought wrong.

Let me ask you a question. Do any of you have that one family member who can't seem to keep it together? You know what I'm talking about... everyone else in the family seems perfectly fine, but this one person is just, well, crazy. They either drink, or don't have a job, or are certifiable. Sometimes they're all three, and that's what I like to call the Crazy Pinata or the Trifecta of Doom.

Well, the Crazy Pinata in our family is my mother. I say that rather glibly, but it's actually rather sad. The only problem is that all of your sadness and sympathy tends to fall away fairly quickly, as she has gotten very good and making people angry.

Case in point: my wedding dress.

To make an already long story short, she threw out my wedding dress. She got angry with me and threw out my wedding dress. Why she was angry? I couldn't tell you. I think it had something to do with her not being invited to another wedding, or me not calling her every day, but it's rather moot because...

...she threw out my wedding dress. And she was proud of it.

This sent me into a spiraling depression about the wedding. I didn't want to plan anything. I didn't want to look at dresses. I was beside myself with oppressive sadness.

A few months past. I gradually started to snap out of it, but only out of necessity. Our May 2, 2010 wedding date was quickly approaching and I had not done anything in months. Oh yea, and our save the dates needed to go out.

So with the gusto and motivation of a grumpy snail, I began planning again. It soon came to pass that, as much as I didn't want to, I needed to start looking at dresses. Again. I was still feeling very reactionary toward the whole dress replacement dilemma. I thought about outright replacing the dress with the exact same one, but every time I looked at a picture of it, I got upset. I soon realized that simply buying the same one over again wasn't going to cut it.

I thought about my options, and I noticed that almost all the white and ivory dresses started running together. I felt a bit overwhelmed. I wanted something that was ME, and that didn't necessarily mean BRIDAL. We had already scrapped our plans for a standard wedding and instead opted for a unique and fun wedding venue (which is another blog for another time!), I thought why not just start going with my gut instead of what I think I should have.

This meant no white. No ivory. No champagne. No off white. No cream.

For a few months I stalked websites and designers, trying to find something for me. I have very particular tastes. This couldn't just be any dress. Then I thought I had found it. It was beautiful. It had pleats. It was in my price range. It was divine. I thought to myself, "Yes, Miss JeffMemorial, this is the dress!" True to form, it still took me another month to actually ORDER the dress, but I did it! Two days ago.

And then... tragedy struck. Again. This time, in the form of an email.

"The designer will not put extra length on this dress, please advise if you want to proceed with your order."

I'm not going to lie... I kind of flipped out a bit. It apparently was the only dress they won't add length to, and, because of my height, the dress was ONE INCH TOO SHORT.

What made it worse was that I had THREE hours to find a replacement dress and order that instead. I was set on the designer, and if I didn't get it in that day, I wasn't going to have my dress in time for the wedding.

What's funny is that, after this whole mess, I ended up with a better dress. A dress that I had looked at briefly, but said no to. Upon further inspection, however, I realized that I had passed over it too quickly, and that it actually was exactly what I was looking for. Dramatic. One shoulder. Classic, but different.

So without further ado, I present to you my dress...

This dress is actually featured as a wedding gown, as well. While I'm getting it in navy blue (as shown above), I'll show you the white version also, so you can see the detailing...

So there you have it. Miss JeffMemorial has a dress. Finally. Oh yea, and her name is Stella. She'll be in my little hands on March 19th.

Being a Bridezilla

Is not always a bad thing...

We've all seen them, heard them, or called them out... Bridezillas! If you're anything like me, you watch this show feeling a bit horrified that your big day could turn out so disasterous or that you'd be under so much stress that you, yourself would be a disaster! You look at the way these brides talk to their friends, their mother-in-laws, and (I know you do it) you gasp and think, "I would never!" I've said it before too, but more recently I've found that it's not always a bad thing to be a bridezilla.

Father of the Bride (Part II):

My future husband and I met with my folks for dinner yesterday and I have to admit, my parents never cease to surprise me. We hardly see each other and when we do we have a lot to discuss, especially in terms of the wedding. My dad starts us off by asking, "Are you still thinking November?"

O - M - G!

"Dad," I said, "It's October!"

Then my stepmom proceeds to ask questions like, "Well why isn't the food included in the cost of the venue? Wait, how much is this place? Why Ocotber? You can't have a year engagement because that's what the internet says to do, you have to do what's right for you! Is the deposit refundable?"

O - M - G!

I was astonished wondering where all these questions came from. Where was all this input 3 months ago when we were looking at venues -- when we asked them if they had someplace in mind. We called them when we found Oxon HIll Manor, I cried, and shared about how much we loved the place. I even spoke with them when we submitted our deposit. I have to wonder, where they even listening?

{Photo credit: Reel Film}

I was patient in reiterating our decisions and the lack thereof. I was polite and I was attentive. I was very open to catching them up to speed, but when my Dad looked at me and said, "Oxon Hill isn't very convenient is it?" I broke.

I had no choice but to look my Dad in the eyes, without blinking, flinching or hestitating and say, "I LOVE IT! PERIOD!" Thankfully, my groom's been watching Bridezilla with me and he got a little groomzilla with my folks by saying, "Oxon Hill Manor is the ONE decision we HAVE made!"

Exception to the Rule:

Driving home from dinner we shared about all the comments my parents made that threw us for a loop. How could she ask us if the deposit was refundable? What was my Dad thinking when he asked me, "How much do you expect us to commit to this?" Or when my stepmom said, "We saved for this, but we thought it would happen in 10 years, not now!"

The audacity! Am I nuts? Don't people get married in their twenties?

The upside to all of this is that Aaron and I had eachother. We had each other to pick up the shattered pieces of our perfect dinner of easy and fun converstaions about the wedding and move on. We both shared about what we got out of the talk (or didn't get), assured each other we're not crazy, and agreed it's obviously going to take them awhile to come around. In the meantime, we're just going to have to beef up our bridezilla attitudes and state what we want and what we need.  Honestly people, if we waited for them to intiate the talks or make the decisions, we'd be waiting forever.

Be a Bridezilla! It's the Only Way to Get Your Way:

So in the end, I'm left feeling like all those WEtv Bridezillas might have known a little something I didn't... They may not have been so bad after all. They may have been acting out of sheer survival. I can't help but think back to the words of WEtv's most insane (no offense) Bridezilla (the Staten Island bride who aired for 3 straight shows), "If you want it -- it doesn't matter if you have to yell it at the top of your lungs to get it! This is your day and what you want, you should have! Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

{First photo and directly above credit : WEtv}

In the words of a people pleaser (me), "Tell them what you want, even if it's the hardest thing you'll ever do!"

ack crazy family!

So my mom just let me know that one of my aunts has started inviting other people to our wedding. Ok just one person. And actually I'm happy to have him, but still.

She's inviting people to the wedding!! gaaahhh.

I should start by telling you she actually began with inviting herself to the wedding. Initially we weren't even sure we could invite any of my mom's siblings due to budget/space concerns, but they were in town visiting sometime last spring, not too long after the engagement, and as soon as she saw me, she said how thrilled and excited they were to come to the wedding, and they would definitely be there. I had hoped to bring it up gently by saying we were considering a very small wedding and may not be able to invite the extended family. But she just led right off with that statement and I do love her to death, how could I then say Sorry you're not invited actually! At the time I sort of made non-commital noises, and after a while we determined that we could in fact afford to invite them..

Today (umm 9 weeks before the wedding??), she just sort of nonchallantly mentioned to my mother that my great uncle was returning to the country (after decades of missionary work in Brazil - literally decades, he's close to 100 years old), and coming straight to their place in Florida, so they decided they would just bring him along to the wedding because wouldn't that be nice?

Of course it's nice. I'm really actually happy to see him and we would have made room for him anyway, had we been told he was coming back to the states and could probably make it. But am I alone in being incredulous that she would just tell us she's bringing him along?? Without even one of those "yikes I'm sorry to have presumed but he's coming back to the states around that time and supposed to be staying with us, I hope it's ok if we bring him along?"

Deep breath. I'm not really that upset about it, because as I said I do want him there. I just... had to share this with you all. I'm a little worried about who else she may have extended an invitation to, and just hasn't gotten around to letting us know to expect them.

Showers of Happiness....

I forgot to share some pictures from my bridal shower a week and a half ago in Connecticut... here are some with a bit of family (and life drama) to boot following the photo goodness...

My cake. From a fabulous bakery in NY brought up to CT by Fiance's godmother. FYI, it was as tasty as it looks.

Unopened gifts. I definitely got showered with love!! Our car was JAM PACKED on the drive back to DC.

Two my college besties/bridesmaids and I enjoying the margs. My shower had a theme of Puerto Rico...also known as our honeymoon locale. A pretty awesome theme if I do say so myself!

Me opening one of many gifts - this gift was all for fiance. I don't even like waffles but he INSISTED on registering for a waffle maker. That's okay. One of my bridesmaids got me a shoe wheel off our registry.

It is most certainly a shoe wheel. It fits perfectly in my closet.

My bridal party (including the ring bearer!) minus my bridesmaid E who couldn't make it to CT for the event. S'k, she's apparently got her own tricks up her sleeve for the DC guests. Don't mind my droopy straps on my tank top...I was a little tipsy. Those silly margaritas!

Now here's my question...so my FMIL hosted my shower - well, the bridesmaids hosted it but she helped. No one from my side of the family was invited. Someone told me "all the women invited to the wedding should be invited to the shower..." Is this true?

If so, then I can understand why my step mother (who my mother doesn't really...like) was upset to not be invited but quite frankly, most of my family aren't trekking down here for the wedding so I felt it was unnecessary to extend invitations. Not to mention, my step mom hasn't really been upset about not really being included in the planning till now. Then on Wednesday last week, when I called my father to tell him about the unfortunate event - fiance losing his job - after saying he was sorry he told me that I should send my step mother a note. Apologize for not including her...even though I didn't put together the invitation list. Or any other part of the shower.

Seriously? Aside from my mother, and bridesmaids it was ALL fiance's side of the guest list. No one from my side, sans a couple gal pals in Boston, were invited. Why was he making a stink NOW???

I won't get into my personal feelings about her here but I do run hot/cold toward my step mother, and right now? I can tell you I am icy. As in, unimpressed by these shenanigans.

Who was invited to your bridal shower? Did you invite all the guests invited to the wedding? Did you have a theme? Favorite gift???

umm so.

My dad isn't going to be at my wedding.

It's not that we don't get along, or he doesn't approve of the marriage, or anything that. he just doesn't travel. he was born and raised in Maine and he doesn't own a computer or understand the internetz. He's never been in a commercial airplane. etc.

I know this. I accept this. I still love him. Like a lot.

But sometimes it just hits me that my dad isn't going to walk me down the aisle and there will be no father-daughter dance and blah blah blah boo hooo. I've asked my best friend/MOH's dad if he would do the honors and he gladly accepted. Someone asked why I didn't just have my mom do it - honestly it hadn't occurred to me. I guess I could have done that but the question has already been asked and I couldn't very well take the job away from him if I wanted to - which I don't. He's not going to "give me away," he's just going to be a strong and calming arm to hold on to as I walk down the aisle. He and his wife have been like a second set of parents to me for the past 10+ years so it feels right. But I feel like I'm going to confuse the hell out of my guests...

Sorry I don't mean to bring the tone down right before the holiday weekend! I was just thinking about it and figured I should explain because I'm going to need advice on some things.. What if Mr. Fairfax wants to have a mother-son dance? Is it going to be weird that I'm not dancing with my dad? Also should I try to explain the situation or just let it be and let guests come to their own conclusions?

in other news.. aaahhhh I love this wedding!! happy holiday weekend :)