What really matters . . .

First, I cannot apologize enough for my complete mia-ness. I know it's not new, but work somewhat exploded in March. It was 2 months before my work's annual event (I help plan a 3-day wine tasting & auction) for a national healthcare organization and we were down to the wire. Then, exactly one month before my event, our third colleague on the event left. My boss and I planned and executed 3 days of food, wine, and auctions. It was a successful event, but it of course had a price: my life for an entire month. Beginning in March, all wedding planning went on hold (except for our invitations because that was non-negotiable).

So, I write this "comeback" post with a heavy heart. No, my fiance did not leave me or cheat on me. My mother's family is rather large. She is one of 7 children. However, there has been some quarreling among them - a little bit expected when there are so many, perhaps. Then, my grandmother past away in February and relations among the siblings have not improved. Now, my mother and her brother have only each other as their siblings refuse to talk to them or entertain their requests to make amends. My uncle and his wife still live in the Philippines. They are a wonderful and loving couple and my fiance and I were so excited to include them as our Primary Sponsors in the wedding. Well, my mother heard from my uncle last night who had been to the American embassy earlier that day to apply for their visas. They were denied. They weren't even asked any questions about why they were coming, or had a chance to show the invitation I sent them to include with their application, or the ability to prove that they wouldn't try to illegally stay in the states.

My mother is devastated and so am I. It kills me that now she will have no one in her family represented at our wedding. When I think of my wedding day, all I can think of is the joining of our families and what a wonderful celebration it is supposed to be. My father has siblings, too, 3 sisters. However, one cannot travel because my cousin is still in school and my two other aunts are coming, but neither of their husbands (my uncles) appear to be able to make it. When my mother told me about it a few weeks ago, I couldn't help but cry. Now when I think of my third uncle not being able to make it, my heart just aches. My fiance's family is huge and so many are *hopefully* coming to the wedding. But it saddens me that they won't be able to meet any of my family. Only when I find out that so few of my family will be there do I realize how important it is for me that they are with me on such an important day. I have always looked forward to this day because of what fun it will be and what it symbolizes for both our families. Now, more than ever, do I realize how much family means to me. It almost feels too late.

PS -- Happier posts to come. I promise, including wedding invitations, tastings, favors, shoes and dresses, and my first dress fitting! If you can, please say a prayer for my family and me.

Make It Work

The holidays seem to bring stress to everyone. Of course they also bring your weight in sweets and alcohol, good cheer from family and friends but as I'm experiencing this year more so than holidays past, lots of stress.

You see, Fiancé and I have been dating for two years but this year is our first year spending the holidays TOGETHER. Usually, it would be the day after or the days before and then meeting up to travel back here to DC from New England together. His family lives in CT and mine in VT and while it's nice that they're close, really, a five hour round trip drive is suddenly ten hours and an entire day in the car.

We negotiated staying here for Thanksgiving which was nice - really nice actually. Instead of fitting in two families that live five hours apart in four days, we relaxed. I ran the Turkey Trot, we hosted a couple friends with lots of food, and lots of good cheer. We shopped, and attended a couple parties - all in all - it was one of the best holidays I've had in recent years that was 200% (okay maybe 150%) stress free.

This year, we had Christmas cards to send, cookies to bake, packages to send, not one but TWO families to shop for (three actually since my parents are divorced), a house to clean (that is not yet clean I should note and we leave Saturday morning). We've gotta make sure the dog has enough food for the week, is up on her meds (flea prevention, etc...) before boarding her, and of course while juggling holiday parties.

Trying to manage two schedules, which nights we'll be home, who we need to send cards to is nothing but stressful. I've been counting down the days till we get out of this town since we got back from Thanksgiving break. I'm ready for snow, and cold temperatures and seeing my city lit up in all its Christmas glory (if you've ever seen Downtown Burlington, VT around the holidays you'll understand).

But at the same time, I've been struggling this year as it's my first holiday without my family. I see cousins, and aunts and uncles (i have a larger family) two, maybe three, times per year. July at our annual Family Reunion (if I make it), and the holidays. But this year, since we bailed on Turkey Day, and we'll be in Connecticut for Christmas, I'm a bit saddened that I'm missing out.

I know, I know, I know that it's "our families" not just "my family" or "his family" but it's a huge compromise - I remember seeing my parents struggle with it - my father (according to my mother) forced us to spend each holiday with his family (which is preposterous since both families live in the same area) and well, my step-mother now "forces" my father to spend each holiday with HER family.

One thing I learned through our Pre-Cana classes is that there needs to be some compromise. He's promised that next year I get the holiday of my choice with my family. Thanksgiving this year was going to be too expensive to travel and board the dog and we were tired from the past two thanksgivings of fitting in too much and being exhausted for days after from all the traveling. From here on out, we agreed that thanksgiving is a one family holiday. Christmas on the other hand - is easy to break the week up and spend time with each family.

So we promised to alternate, each year, each holiday with a different family. I know it'll get easier, but it's still that whole becoming ONE couple not just with a "mine" or "yours" but with an "ours" now is...difficult when you already don't see much of your family.

But on the bright side, at least we get to spend it together which in the past two years of us being together, we have not yet done!